I wanted to write about my nightmares and panic attacks, but there is something that bothers me much more than that. It makes me really sad how many people is being failed by our systems every day. There are so many true heroes that don’t even see themselves as worthy human beings that it breaks my heart. So many people hiding alone with so much pain because the system does not care about them. Lots more silently screaming for help. Social media overflows with silent screams, it ain’t so difficult to just send a I hear you message every now and then. That short message could mean the world for someone.
It took me decades to get proper help, I feel lucky now, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t because we all deserve to be treated with dignity, we all should be equally getting the help we need. There are so many heroes fighting serious health issues all alone, without even being taken seriously by their doctors. I am really lucky with my doctor now, she is the first doctor who has treated me as a fellow human being, not just like a number in a system. She is actually the first doctor I fully trust. In just one year she has helped me more than other doctors have done in over thirty years. The same with my psychologist, it may be difficult sometimes, but he challenges me in a way that works for me. Yes, I am taking two different antidepressants and melatonin every day. But that’s it. No more opiates or other painkillers. Haven’t had migraines, inflammations, muscular pains and many of other fibromyalgia symptoms for almost a year now. A year!!! And I am now able to go kayaking, hiking and biking alone without even thinking about taking painkillers with me in case my body has a pain outburst. So yes, I feel really lucky.
I see a tendency towards a holistic approach inside the health system, slowly but it’s changing. Holistic approach, that has been the key for my health improvement. It makes me really sad to think about all those heroes who couldn’t bear their pains and left us in search of peace. System is failing us all. Although I have trust issues, I still believe that we as individuals can make a huge change. I know that we can because I get messages from heroes, beautiful people who care about others. Since I decided to open up and talk about my PTSD I only get good feedback, encouraging and thanking me. It is I who thank you for helping me slowly trust in people again. It ain’t easy and takes time, but I know I’m going the right direction this time. I wished we all could.
It is really hard to live with so much pain, despair and broken promises surrounding me, but there is also a lot of good people who care about each other and that gives me hope. Hope and strength to keep doing my best and helping as much as I can. I know there’s a lot of people who could have much better health if only they got the help they need, so I do all I can to reach my goal of helping others. And I start by humbly rise awareness through my own experiences.
Next time I’ll write more about how I cope with my PTSD, but today I just wanted to remind myself how lucky I am.