Three months ago I decided to take my therapy to a higher level, I started this site. This site helps me not only to put together the pieces of a huge puzzle but to see the image on the puzzle. Writing here helps me in a lot of different ways. I have played hundreds of concerts, published my music, my photos and drawings have been online before, but never before felt I so exposed as now. Now I’m writing some of my thoughts and experiences. I must confess that it ain’t easy, this is one of the hardest exposure therapies.
But I get messages from people who actually read my stuff, who find my thoughts interesting, even inspiring. I get feedback from awesome heroes who actually read my blog. I feel flattered. I started writing mostly for me, but knowing that you are reading this inspires me and gives me strength to keep on sharing a part of me.
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I went into rehab in 2017. That was the first time I got help with my chronic pains. Before that I only got opiates and other kind of painkillers. But I then started a long recovery process. I am still in that process. Last year was special really challenging. I’ve faced a lot of things. I’ve worked hard, really hard. I have accomplished more than I thought I could since I got the fibromyalgia diagnosis.
All therapies complement each other, but the most effective one is the one I do myself. I am congruent with whom I am. I know that I am unique, everybody is unique. So I don’t just follow what I am told in therapies, I learn from therapists but I follow my own path. This was kind of frustrating for one of my therapist in the beginning, he has never before had a patient like me. He wasn’t sure if he was able to help me. That was one year ago. The fact that I need to understand and do things my own way seemed like a wall for him, an obstacle for my recovery. But he is now kind of envious. He has never before had a patient who is so close to his own self before. He has even told me that I should be a therapist myself. He says that I am some kind of shaman/guru, he knows I don’t like to be called that 😅
Although I think it’s funny to be called that, there’s also some truth in it. No, I ain’t no guru nor shaman. But it’s true that I have not only improved my health, I have also inspired others to do the same. We are all different and must find our own healing way, but it is true that we all need to be active in the process. I understand that for many, embracing the past and being able to remember absolutely everything is so terrifying and painful that they choose to forget. That did not work for me. You know the pain you feel in your muscles when you train? For me it’s the same with my thoughts. The more you train the less pain you feel, the more you use the muscles the better they perform. Exactly the same with my traumas. The more I embrace them the less pain I feel. It ain’t easy to go down to the darkest places in our minds but I think it’s essential, otherwise will the traumas keep on controlling us from the dark. For me it has been vital to go down my mind’s basement and turn on the light. It is impossible to read a book only by holding it on your hands, and it is also impossible to read a book without light reflection. That is why I encourage everyone to turn on the light in their basement.
This has been the best therapy for me, and I am willing to help others in their journey down to their basements. I am no healer, guru nor shaman. I am just someone who has found a way out of chronic pains. I am no therapist, but I can help people in therapy with my experience. My plan is to start my own local group of people willing to improve and take action and help them with my experience, but always complementary to their therapy.
Have you managed to turn on the light in your basement? Are you comfortable reading your own book?
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