Before we start with this step, how did it go with the step 1? I strongly recommend to train the pre-meditative state before you try this meditation technique. Remember that this is what works for me, don’t stress trying to achieve what I describe. Maybe you only find useful parts of my method but not the whole process, take what works for you. Don’t expect to have the same meditation experience that I have. It is very important that you remember that I am writing a guide of how I meditate, not about how you should meditate. Remember also that meditation is a tool, not a solution. Tools help us achieve a result, but they won’t do all the work for us. If you have bread and a bread knife and want a bread slice, you have to use the bread knife to cut a slice. You don’t put the bread beside the knife and expect the knife to cut the slice by itself.
Let’s start with the step 2, the meditation itself. This step starts when you are done with the pre-meditative state, that means that at this point you only have contact with your thoughts. You shouldn’t be feeling nothing through your senses, only thoughts. This part is tricky and requires training, at this point I am able to “see” my thoughts. I don’t try to push away any thought, because I am an observer of my own thoughts. It’s like in meta-cognitive therapy, you become an observer of yourself. In this case your thoughts. That’s why the first step is so important, you are no longer attached to your body and it’s sensorial experiences. You are now observing yourself from inside. Thoughts have to be free, don’t try to do anything else than observe. Let memories and/or thoughts reveal themselves. You may experience old memories mixed with new thoughts. That is OK. You are now observing what your brain is experiencing. But you are not attached with your body. No matter how painful memories or thoughts would have been in a normal state, you are now only observing. Don’t try to have positive memories if you only observe negative memories. Don’t try to have positive thoughts if you observe negative thoughts. Don’t try to do anything, only observe. The more you let your thoughts fly around freely the better. Remember that both negative and positive are equally important and they both are intertwined. If you try to repress the negative, then you are choosing to hide something from yourself. Remember that you are observing. You are not supposed to have any body manifestation of your thoughts. If you do it provably means that you have work to do before you can go further with this method.
This observation should go on until you are able to observe these thoughts/memories in your own unique language. For me that is forms and colours. Every thought becomes an abstract form with its own colour, and they all mix freely creating new forms with new colour gradients. They move freely. They come and go. They surround me. It’s like seeing energy bursts that are in constant change.
At this point, I experience being in an infinite blackness with abstract coloured (mostly red tones) flowing shapes. I do feel movement, but there’s no up or down. I don’t experience any kind of frame. At this point I am nothing and all at the same time. I ride with these energy bursts. Although I am detached from my body, I start feeling warmth. Sometimes I feel some kind of acceleration, like being violently thrown. I know that this may be really difficult to understand, for me it’s really difficult to explain with words. Have you seen the movie “2001: A space odyssey”? The stargate sequence is something similar to what I experience, but far more complex. With more dimensions and flowing movements. No up or down, no front or back. At this point I experience myself as pure infinite consciousness.
Maybe it’s easier to think of this state as being a small particle travelling through body arteries with the heartbeat. I don’t have any language coded thought or memory, I experience everything at once. There is no positive or negative. Everything is nothing. Infinite nothingness created from within.
I let this to go on as long as it takes. I feel like I am a consciousness inside my consciousness and I can decide when to leave this state.
If you have read my previous posts, then you know that meditation became unpleasant to me, this is the reason why. I have experienced to get lost in that state and found difficult to “come back”, I literally felt that I was dying. I needed to actively work with my traumas before meditation became pleasant again. I needed to be aware not in denial.
I only achieve this state if I don’t actively try to control my thinking and let the perception of time to flow freely. There is no now without past and future. Trying to think only in the “now” becomes like observing a still image, I get caught in a moment. I get caught in one thought. That doesn’t work for me. This method requires awareness, not stagnation. This method requires to experience the whole you, not only the you that your ego wants to be. You need to observe the ego and absolutely everything that created that ego. You need to go so deep into yourself that you become both the primal and late consciousness. I know that this may sound mystical or even like a religious experience, but for me this is what meditation feels like. It ain’t nothing mystical nor religious for me.
So this is my method and this is how it feels to be in a meditative state for me. I’ve tried following other methods, but they are always stressing and too rigid. Usually focusing only in one thing or trying to empty your mind. They feel like being guided to concrete thinking instead of leading me to the state I described.
The fact that this method works for me doesn’t mean that should work for you. And remember that meditation is a tool, not the solution itself.
I understand that my method can be too abstract, it ain’t easy for me to translate it into words. So ask me if there is something you didn’t understand. I’d love to hear from you if you try this method. Maybe this is the same method you use and have better words to describe it, feel free to comment this post with your experiences 🙂